Scrolling through my social media feed has been both inspiring and difficult.
My life has been revolved around helping others and loving on people, seeing their potential and light, seeing past their pain and imperfections. My effort in bringing others up have happened as I’ve tried to keep my personal life held tightly together by a string.
Love has been a difficult subject for me. I’ve been hopeful and in many ways, am grateful for each relationship and lesson, but I’m not where I want to be. I’ve been close to finding the right partner only to realize that trust and vulnerability are still a work in progress in my personal growth journey, but I’ve come a long way. There’s been a battle in my heart between standing up for my beliefs and finding that right balance of what it means to share a life with someone.
Love not aligning with what I valued
I’m not the first to talk about my love life on social media. In the moments I experience heartache I use positive affirmations of hope for others to continue having strength to get past their own challenges. It also becomes a reminder for me of what I value and what is most important. When I read the quotes I was posting, I realized the decisions I was making wasn’t lining up with the message. What was wrong with me?
I do know exactly what I want and don’t want. I desire to share my life with someone who lets me be me, who doesn’t hold me against the decisions I’ve made in the past, that doesn’t measure me by how much I make, that doesn’t make me have to prove myself to receive love, and that respects my opinion without punishing me.
Realizing something had to change
As I laid in bed, I found myself wondering why I was in this situation again. I had promised myself over and over I would never relive this nightmare; My diary entries were very clear from the beginning of what I was truly feeling. I told myself I would never let anyone degrade me or ruin another holiday yet I was right in the same spot.
I know I allowed it in my life because I had hoped that it would be different. I always went back thinking it would be better and unfortunately, it was most familiar and in it, I found some kind of comfort.
Finally, it was time to move on
As I scroll through Instagram and see couples holding hands, sharing their engagement announcements, new babies being born, I know that I’m able to have that kind of love in my life too and something had to change. In my business, I do it ALL THE TIME. I manifest, envision the future, really see it, I feel it, AND act on it. Why wasn’t I doing this with my love life?
The past two weeks I swear that 80% of the podcasts I listened to had talked about how the story you tell yourself can impact the decisions you make, how you see yourself, and how you live your life. The three most memorable ones were by Michelle Obama in ‘Becoming‘, Jay Williams on Impact Theory, and Lori Harder in a Tribe Called Bliss. It’s like the universe was telling me it’s time to move on.
STEPS TO REWRITING YOUR LOVE STORY
You can use these steps and apply it to your marriage, to business to other parts of your life but here I’m focusing on romantic love.
1. Write down the vision of how you see your future and your love life
This is the BEST way to start because as you free flow and write from your heart, you quickly start to have visions of a beautiful life that you deserve. I believe God, the universe this higher power gives us glimpses of our future and it’s up to us to follow through.
2. What are you doing right now that is sabotaging that vision?
The hardest part is step 2, coming to terms and really being honest with what you’re current reality looks like. It probably isn’t lining up at all. What cycle have you been in? Why are you doing it? Be clear and aware of the habits and thoughts that are keeping you from moving forward.
For myself, I was making decisions out of fear instead of love, trying to protect myself with a wall, running away when something was good, and going back to what was familiar EVEN THOUGH I didn’t want it.
3. What steps do you need to take to make your vision happen?
Now that you know where you are and what you want, you need to make a plan. What steps can you take to get there? Do you need to get out of a current situation, do you need to talk with your friends, do you need therapy? Find the path to start closing that gap. Then take one step TODAY towards making it happen.
For myself, I had people that were holding me accountable. Asking for help in personal situations is REALLY hard. I’m scared that I’ll be judged, they won’t understand, they’ll stop talking to me. What I did is reach out to my tribe, my mom, and special people. Even writing this post is a form of accountability. I need the positive energy from those that believe in me and can bring me back to reality when my thoughts wander.
4. Remind yourself EVERYDAY
The MOST important step is to create an affirmation and a vision of your future with your new story. It is going to be a daily, ongoing task because you have to get to the point in REALLY believing in long term.
Remind yourself in the morning, during the day, at night. Have it posted on your mirror, in your closet, just find a way to keep the positive message in front of you at all times.
5. Have someone help you when you have a relapse
I’ve tried to do it alone and I couldn’t. Sometimes something will spark a memory of the past, a trigger and you’ll relapse.
Have a plan with someone close you can actually talk to or go see. Get help to stay on track, you need that accountability. Yes, it’s kind of like a drug or an addiction, especially if you’ve been stuck in a bad cycle for a long time.
If you have thoughts of going back, be kind to yourself and know that you don’t need to follow through. This uncomfortable feeling will pass, have faith and focus on the future.
I believe in you!!!!! Take time to write out your new story, it’s never too late to start again, learn from your past and have a happy ending. I want to hear your positive affirmations.